i found grace

The clock has been chiming for far too long...

How do you tell someone you love them? I'm not talking about the fun and mushy kind of love. I am not thinking about the giggles and adoring stares. I'm about to tell HIM, that I love him. I want to serve him, bless him, and trudge through the storms of life with him. I know there would be days that he would make me crazy, and days where I might not like him- but I, the commitment/intamacy phobic, am in love with him. I'm prepared to make sacrifices, and willing to risk getting my heart ripped from my chest. I am preparing for a no, but hoping for a yes.

He has no idea. We are just good friends. And lately, the good has been lacking... It's not nearly as much about what he does, and how he makes me feel. The way he checks up on me, or wonders about my reaction to hard scenes in movies. I think back on the nearly 2 years we have been friends, and my heart smiles as it is filled with memories of 'us'. I know a lot more about him than I should, but not nearly all the things I want to.

I don't think I have ever been in love before. I know I have never felt like this before. Maybe I am all mixed up, and everything means nothing. Maybe I am wrong about him, and the possibility that he may see me as something more. Then again, maybe I'm right, and if I don't ask now, I may never know.

Regardless, I am ready to find out the answer. It's time for me to be bold, and put my heart on the line. I know that it scares the hell out of me, but it's time. I can't wait for something that does not exist. And, if the answer is no, I need to move on.

At this point I figure I've got nothing to loose. I mean even if he breaks my heart and it splinters into a million unrecognizable pieces, I'll mend. I've done it before. I think back to loosing my dad, and I remember the moments when I wished I could die. But, I am here today, stronger, and better because of it. And, when we talk, and I tell him how I feel, I'll remember that above all- I am a BELOVED child of my risen Lord. And, I can do all things through Him, because he is my strength.

God, help me.

posted by Elizabeth @ 8:07:00 PM