i found grace

posted by Elizabeth @ 4:52:00 PM 0 comments

Food Fight

posted by Elizabeth @ 7:09:00 AM 0 comments

For my *former* Cardiologist

Dear Dr. P. ,
I suppose a formal thank-you letter may be more proper in ettiquite; I however have something else to say. I feel like it might be helpful in dealing with patients in the future...

1. Don't Judge.
I can just about guarantee you that there are hundreds of events that have shaped and molded a person into who they are, but these will never show up on a medical chart. You can't look a few notes on a page and assume you understand why I am the way I am.

2. Be Kind.
My elementary guess would be that most people sitting in your office are not there for fun. Speaking from my own experience, I can tell you my feeling were of fear and anxiety. Who wants to voluntarily go to a HEART SPECIALIST? A kind word may have put my mind at rest. Your presence has the power to create or distroy peace.

3. It's MY Body.
I've been living in this vessel for almost 24 years. I am pretty familar with it. I don't question your general knowlegde or expertice, but I know when something feels right, and when something feels wrong.

4. You are the Last Resort.
After 7 months of unanswered questions, it's hard not to become frusterated. If my primary care Physician didn't get it, and the Nutritionist hasn't helped, it means we have exhausted other options. We have tried everything, that's why I am here.

Although I am still trying to have a good perspective, you hurt my feelings. For someone who 'read my chart' and 'knows all about people like me', you really don't have a clue. I appreciate your testing, and your opinion, but's let's be honest with ourselves- you don't know ME at all.

Thanks,
Your Patient.

posted by Elizabeth @ 7:55:00 PM 0 comments

The clock has been chiming for far too long...

How do you tell someone you love them? I'm not talking about the fun and mushy kind of love. I am not thinking about the giggles and adoring stares. I'm about to tell HIM, that I love him. I want to serve him, bless him, and trudge through the storms of life with him. I know there would be days that he would make me crazy, and days where I might not like him- but I, the commitment/intamacy phobic, am in love with him. I'm prepared to make sacrifices, and willing to risk getting my heart ripped from my chest. I am preparing for a no, but hoping for a yes.

He has no idea. We are just good friends. And lately, the good has been lacking... It's not nearly as much about what he does, and how he makes me feel. The way he checks up on me, or wonders about my reaction to hard scenes in movies. I think back on the nearly 2 years we have been friends, and my heart smiles as it is filled with memories of 'us'. I know a lot more about him than I should, but not nearly all the things I want to.

I don't think I have ever been in love before. I know I have never felt like this before. Maybe I am all mixed up, and everything means nothing. Maybe I am wrong about him, and the possibility that he may see me as something more. Then again, maybe I'm right, and if I don't ask now, I may never know.

Regardless, I am ready to find out the answer. It's time for me to be bold, and put my heart on the line. I know that it scares the hell out of me, but it's time. I can't wait for something that does not exist. And, if the answer is no, I need to move on.

At this point I figure I've got nothing to loose. I mean even if he breaks my heart and it splinters into a million unrecognizable pieces, I'll mend. I've done it before. I think back to loosing my dad, and I remember the moments when I wished I could die. But, I am here today, stronger, and better because of it. And, when we talk, and I tell him how I feel, I'll remember that above all- I am a BELOVED child of my risen Lord. And, I can do all things through Him, because he is my strength.

God, help me.

posted by Elizabeth @ 8:07:00 PM 0 comments

Well, whatcha think?

A new layout. About time, huh. I've still got some tweaks to make, but that will come later.

By golly, I think I like it.

He He.

posted by Elizabeth @ 5:49:00 PM 0 comments

Prayer

Father God- I need you. I want my focus to be on you! Not on anyone else, or anything else. You deserve more than everything I have to offer. You have commanded me to be a faithful woman of God, someone with integrity and beauty. I feel like I am falling short. I am being self absorbed, and petty. Lord, I DO believe, please help me with my unbelief. Please settle my heart, and bring me the peace that only you can. Consume my mind, and guard my heart. Center me in your will for my life.

posted by Elizabeth @ 2:01:00 PM 0 comments