i found grace

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you...

posted by Elizabeth @ 4:34:00 PM 0 comments

You know you are all grown up when an evening at the Home Depot becomes your idea of fun...

A friend of mine is buying a condo. She came over for dinner the other night, and we were discussing all of the things she wants to do with the place. She was looking at my carpet, and we wer discussing the benefits of Berber. This should have been a red flag. I am talking about carpet with my friend. Strange.

We ended up deciding to go look at carpet, and paint. Just for some ideas. We spent hours admiring wall fixtures, lights, and area rugs. We compared prices and looked at the benefits of a gas stove. We told each other how we would dream for our kitchens to look. Well, it is a reality for her, a far off dream for me...

We eventually left the store, and went to Linens N Things. I bought new pillows, and some random things for my bedroom. And we had so much FUN! I was totally in a trance. My eyes were fixed on the Eiffel Tower paintings for so long, I almost forgot where I was.

You know, things happen, good and bad, and we are changed by them. I remember going with my parents as a small child to places like Home Depot. I remember the overwhelming feelings of boredom. I could never understand why it was so fun for them. Now I do. It's a place to escape reality, even if only for a little while, and dream...

posted by Elizabeth @ 4:12:00 PM 0 comments

I'm sick. Again.

I have so many things that I want to write about, and I am frustrated with myself because I can't get my thoughts into words.

This weekend I have to confront a friend. This is something that I am not good at. I like everyone to get along, and be nice to each other. But, I also know that not dealing with a problem is unhealthy. I have half a mind to say that I am still sick because my body is not coping well with the stress of knowing I have to this. I really don't want to. But I am tired of getting hurt.

I tried to write out all my thoughts on the issue. I have to sort through all my reasons for feeling hurt and resentment and decide which ones are valid. I have to take the remaining issues to God and trust that he will give me the words and the love in which I am called to say them.

Part of me would prefer to just sit her down, slap her really hard, and say, "Knock it off. This has gone too far. I dread seeing you. You made me cry". Although this method would work very well for me, it would not get the point across to her. It wouldn't deal with the real issues. Plus, I don't think I could actually ever do that.

I had coffee with a friend last Tuesday night. I shared my concerns of confrontation. I am afraid. I don't want to do it. She gave me great advice. She said, " Don't ever underestimate the impact you have on someone else's life". I have had to really think about that as I have been lying in my bed the past 2 days. I never know how, or why, God will use me. But I do know that he will.

Update: I did it. By the grace of God, we are still friends. Stronger, and better.

posted by Elizabeth @ 4:22:00 PM 0 comments

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners.

Isaiah 61:1

posted by Elizabeth @ 1:14:00 PM 0 comments

Last night I said goodbye. I carefully tucked my remaining journals and memorabilia into a box. I cried as I put the lid on, and slid the once empty box back on its shelf in my closet. Last night I learned that saying goodbye to someone doesn’t mean you are forgetting….

You knew my name before I was even born. You wept with joy when I came into this world. You were there to greet me. You held me in your arms, and kissed my forehead. I brought your life a new purpose.

You held my hand when I met my little brother for the first time. You dried the tears that came from the pain of falling from my first bike. You were there to shoot home videos of my romp with the sprinkler in the backyard. Your face lit up at my very presence.

You drove on my field trips. You watched my dances. You cheered when I scored a goal. You begged me to sing for you. You wanted nothing but the best for me.

You watched me grow up. Looking at my face became a mirror image for you. You taught me the difference between right and wrong. You taught me to stand up for my self. You taught me to love the Lord.

You saw me win the lead in the 7th grade musical Grease. You told everyone you knew that I was playing Sandy. You watched me develop life long friends. You watched me being admired by the boys. You watched your little girl turn into a young woman.

Somewhere along the line, your physical presence left. I broke into a million pieces. I held on to everything that reminded me of you. I vowed to never let go.

Today is somewhat different. Almost everything I had held onto, I put into that box. Ticket stubs from movies we had seen. Notes you had written to me. Petals from the roses that lay atop your coffin just moments before they laid you to rest. My number 12 jersey. Your favorite tie. Too many priceless, irreplaceable objects…

Although I say goodbye to the things, I will never truly say goodbye to you. You are a part of me. So often people who knew you will say to me ‘You are just like your dad’. And I know that I am. If ever it was possible to make a carbon copy of your self, well, you did it. It’s me.

I no longer see your eyes, except for in the mirror. I know you still watch me. I know that you are still with me. I still have so much to do, so much to accomplish. I know you’ll be there- in my heart. You’ve run your race. And now you are at the finish line, cheering me on.

Dad, I love you. And as hard as it is to do, I am moving on. I’ve taken the lessons you have taught, the love you have shown, and I hidden them in my heart. You are such a part of me, you always will be. But I know now that it is time to begin relying on my heavenly father, OUR father.

You were always my hero. The wind beneath my wings- I sang it at your funeral, you know. Today I choose to take refuge in the shadow of Jesus. I choose to take my cross and follow him. I choose to let him be my strength, and ‘mount on wings as eagles’. And I am confident that no choice I could ever make would make you more proud to be my dad.

posted by Elizabeth @ 4:00:00 PM 0 comments