i found grace

Never Enough

Happy 24th Birthday to me. One more year gone and neatly tucked away as a multitude of memories that hopefully I will never forget. Then again, there are a few I might as well not remember...

With each milestone that passes in our lives, be it years of life, new beginnings, or re-surfacing of old friends- we are forced to look at ourselves. And be honest. Not overly critical, mind you, because we can't go back. But the idea of taking a real approach to who we are, what we have become, and to evaluate where we are at- this is what signifies growth. Can I honestly look at myself at 23, 22, or 21, and say I am the exact same person? No. Because I have changed. Someways are for the better. There is also the realization that there are parts of myself that are more jaded and torn than last year and the one before. I see that there is a beauty in my brokenness- but there is one piece that is ugly.

I don't like to ask for things. I have a hard time accepting gifts from people in general. However, I am always so greatful when someone takes the time to find something wonderful for me. This year, there was only one thing that I wanted. I prayed specifically for it. And, here it is, 10:30 pm on my birthday, I am about to go to bed, and I didn't get it.

I never told anyone, so I have no right to expect it. Not that I'd have a right regardless. The fact that this insignificant thing has cast a shadow on my whole day, and the rediculous amount of love I was shown today is ugly.

Hoorah for the growth I have seen. Yeah that I have changed somewhat significantly in the past 364 days. One very ugly thing has remained, and that, ladies and gentleman is what I have refleced upon today. I am a slave to myself.

One thing, Beth. Can't you let it go?

posted by Elizabeth @ 10:31:00 PM