i found grace

I remember.
A shattered heart.
Sobbing as you try to pick up the pieces. Overwhelming feelings- it’s all your fault. Lying still on the floor.
Staring absent-mindedly at the ceiling.
Trying desperately to catch a breath.
The lump in your stomach.
People all around.
Feeling all alone.
Wanting nothing more than sleep.
Wanting nothing more than to never wake.
But this time it’s different.
Yet it is totally the same.
I’m more on the outside.
I’m still on the inside.
Questions flood the mind.
Sorrow.
Regret.
Pain.
Guilt.
Anger.
A new journey.
An un-chartered road.
It was years ago- but I’ve been here before.
The utter shock of the news.
The devastation.
The throbbing of the soul.
The never ending flow of tears.
You miss him.
I need time to process my thoughts.
My feelings.
I need to forget the visions.
I need to wash the stench of the hospital off my body.
Now all I can see is the pain of others.
Their new reality.
The impact on their lives.
I mourn with them.
I mourn for them.
Tomorrow I will wake up.
I will go about my day as usual.
People I love will not.
And my prayers will be with them.
Because I remember.

posted by Elizabeth @ 6:42:00 PM